there's paper in my vomit.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
