I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
