Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
