My first STD was from a foam party
Duck Duck Cougar?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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