I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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