Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
