She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
