hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Send help, water and tortillas.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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