But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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