Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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