I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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