Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
