I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
two words: eviction party
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am naked and annoyed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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