I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
