I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
