Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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