i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
