The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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