At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
