my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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