she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
