that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
