If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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