Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
