he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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