it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
