Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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