Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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