Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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