youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
