Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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