how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
