dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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