he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
