Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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