you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
