Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
