We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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