Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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