Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
