Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
