Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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