Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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