..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
