Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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