he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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