I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
