He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
