Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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