i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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