If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
