I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
