i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
