just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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