Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
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I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
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We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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