Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
