Please, let me fuck your mom
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
