I want you more than these girls want KFC
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
