Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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