I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
