I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
