she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I love having hate sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
